It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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