I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
ttyl tear gas
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
