im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
