I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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