So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
