Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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