Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
