It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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