this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
