Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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