In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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