Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
