Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
