I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
