Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
