party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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