I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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