that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
