She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
