So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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