Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
is it fun? or sober?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
