Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
