I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
