also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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