guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
is wine microwaveable?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
