It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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