Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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