I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
why do cheetos always look like penises
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
