i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
