WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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