the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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