the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
