I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
