I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
