just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
