Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
