he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
