Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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