I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Boobs are out for the taking
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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