Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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