it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
