I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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