Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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