I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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