My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
