Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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