if i can run in heels then i can drive
I want to make a zoo with you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
