Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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