we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
