I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
