Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
