i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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