Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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