But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
