My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
